Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
