someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
