Well douche your snatch and let's go!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
