I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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