I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
