got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
