I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
