I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
