Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
