you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
