From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Every concussion has its silver lining
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
