Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
