I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
