The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
