i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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