Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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