if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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