Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
