10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I party with great urgency now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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