I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
