YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
