How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
