Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
