omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
