We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
not ubering you a puppy
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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