We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
