I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she woke up with a sticky ear
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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