I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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