please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
