Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
