went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
