You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
