if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
