Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do vagina's smell?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
