dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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