I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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