I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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