I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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