I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
only if we run a train.
done.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
