Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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