I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
