What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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