I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sext me about skeletons
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
