He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
pray to the hookup gods
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
