A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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