I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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