I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
