I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
