If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
