i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my sisters under your porch take her home
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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