Sry I called you an 8
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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