Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
