im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
