i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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