He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I need to align my fucking chakras
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
