I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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