1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
farters have to be the big spoon...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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